Parents
by morbid bookworm
Summary: A two-shot about Alice trying to figure out what parents are, and how she decides on the perfect role models. Pretty much just her messed up version of matchmaking. Some things are too obvious for even her to miss. Ozbert and trio family feels.
1. Chapter 1

**All right! New fic! Let's give me a round of applause.**

***crickets***

**Okay then!**

**I have this weird way of writing so that the POV's will kind of just slide into each other depending on when I need them to. This chapter starts as Gilbert's and then goes over to Alice.**

**I don't own Pandora Hearts. But I'm pretty sure Gil is technically Lord Nightray now. Weird, right? And all his adopted siblings were so pissed 'cause Raven wanted him instead of them . . . good thing they aren't still alive to see _this_.  
**

**Not that he'd ever act on it. Gil is truly a servant at heart. And since Oz isn't technically a Vessalius, he and Gilbert should just leave the running of the Dukedoms to their younger siblings and go and live in Gil's apartment together, and everyone else can just suck it.**

**All right, Alice can stay in the guest room.**

**But since I don't like Sharon, and everyone else I do like is dead, they can all _suck it._**

**Once more, singing this time. ~Suuuck iiiit!~**

**Lots of Gil and Alice family feels in this chapter! And of course, some not so subtle ozbert hints.**

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Gilbert ex-Nightray (could he still be considered an adopted Nightray if all the blood family was dead?) now Baskerville, was nothing if not a man of his word, which was why, after much whining from the stupid rabbit and worrying from his precious master rabbit, he could be found in the tiny kitchen in his apartment stirring Alice's favorite meat filled stew with his right hand and quite enjoying the fact that his left was no longer in existence.

It had actually been pretty easy to get the hang of cooking one handed. It was simply a matter of not being able to pour and stir at the same time, and that just meant the meal would take a little longer than usual. Truly, any discomfort or inconvenience was overshadowed with the sheer reality that he could never again hurt Oz, and this simple fact filled him with joy and a certain kind of tenderness every time he looked into his master's concerned face and he was reminded.

True to _their_ word, both Oz and Alice were attempting to help without destroying anything. Well, more like Alice hung on Raven's apron and watched greedily as he stirred the meaty stew until it was thick enough, while Oz read aloud the recipe and scurried around fetching ingredients. Gilbert thought it was cute how determined his master was to help him. There was still some part of him that was uncomfortable with the young master helping him instead of the other way around, but it made Oz's face light up with a very real smile every time Gilbert asked him to pass a knife or stir the stew while he adjusted the temperature, and that made it all worth it. Oz had even insisted on tying Gilbert's hair back, and Oz's fingers on his scalp had felt so good that he had stopped protesting very quickly. Oz seemed to like being needed, and God knows Gilbert knew that feeling, and he would give his master anything he desired, anything at all.

The unwieldy trio had already completed the monumental feat of getting Oz's favorite cake (chocolate and vanilla marble; he could never decide which was better, so Gilbert would always indulge him with both) into the oven without any major disasters. There had been a terrifying moment when Alice had become a little too excited at being given the job of choosing which meat to put in the stew and had nearly knocked Oz into the open oven like the witch in the gingerbread house. Gilbert only just managed to pull him out of the way, and then spent a good twenty minutes yelling at her and forbidding either of them to come within three feet of the hot oven and stove.

Oz was still tucked protectively into the space at Gilbert's left side, where Gil thought he fit rather nicely, as he scolded Alice and she screamed that he was letting the stew burn. Oz laughed quietly into Gilbert's apron, but his hand trembled lightly as it clung on to the stiff fabric and Gil didn't let him go until he was sure he wasn't hurt.

"I'm okay Gil, really," Oz insisted, ducking his head to hide his burning cheeks. "Ah, why don't I go and ask Break and Sharon what kind of frosting they want?" Oz dashed away before Gilbert could protest, and it was with some frustration that he turned back to the stew.

Alice chewed absently on the ties of Raven's apron. She replayed what had just happened in her head, remembering the boy's ridiculous facial expressions whenever they got to close. Humans had a funny way of reacting whenever they got uncomfortable – their faces would get all red and they would have this stupid look on their face. Raven especially didn't seem to like anything that made Oz have a bad expression. She remembered how angry he had gotten when she had tried to bring up parents . . . which reminded her.

"Heh, Wavuh?" she mumbled. He frowned and tugged the strings out of her mouth. "What?"

"You remember everything now, right? About before?"

"Yeah," said Raven slowly, looking down at her curiously. "Why?"

"Do you remember your parents?"

"Vaguely."

"Now . . . now that you remember, do you have an answer?"

"An answer to what? I don't even understand what you're trying to ask me."

Alice huffed, upset that he wasn't following her train of thought. "When I asked you what parents were like. When I asked you if . . . if parents were the ones who gave you life . . . if they were the ones who gave you the reason for your existence. And then you got mad at me for wanting to ask Oz because you didn't know!"

Raven didn't answer immediately, and Alice fidgeted uncomfortably. She was sure her face had one of those weird human expressions, and she didn't want to let Raven see it, or see his face if he was angry. Like, really angry. Like, throw away the stew just to spite her angry. She was hungry.

But Raven still wasn't saying anything, and she so snapped and glared up at him fiercely. He was frowning, but he didn't look angry, and he wasn't looking at her. Alice growled and tugged impatiently on his apron.

"Well?"

Finally he looked at her, and he was making an expression that was a little confused, and a little something that she didn't recognize.

"Don't you remember your parents now too?" he asked. Alice blinked. Then she glared harder. Raven wasn't answering her question properly, and it was getting annoying.

"I remember Levi. He came to visit sometimes. Oswald came more, and then Jack came. I don't remember Lacie." _But I get a warm feeling in my chest when I hear her song, that has nothing to do with Jack. _"You aren't answering the question!"

"I don't remember my parents that much, stupid rabbit. I remember Jack and Glen, and Lord Oscar most of all. They were more like parents then the people who gave birth to me."

"So . . ." Alice struggled to understand. "Parents don't have to be the ones who give life to you in the first place?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"But that just makes it _more_ confusing!" she yelled. Tears of frustration were threatening to fall, and she wiped at them furiously. She wanted to know what parents were like, whether _she had any_, whether they could help her figure out what to do. Her memories had returned, but the questions were still there, and now she didn't have any goal in mind to look forward too. She had said that she would stay with Oz and help him, but that didn't seem to be helping her at all. Somehow they had gotten all mixed up. It used to be that Oz would help her and Raven would help Oz, but now she was helping Oz and he was helping Raven, but Raven was still helping Oz, and no one was helping her!

"Alice."

Alice barely registered the use of her real name before Raven shoved a tissue in her face.

"Blow," he commanded. She blew her nose and sniffed feebly as he wiped tears and snot from her face.

"Honestly Alice, there's no reason to get so upset," sighed Raven. "It doesn't matter who gave you life. Parents – _real_ parents – are the people who _help_ you find the reason for your existence, just like friends do. We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Glen and Oscar and Levi and Jack and all the people who helped us, and those people are your real parents, all right?"

"Yes," she hiccupped. "But . . . but now they're all gone, and . . ." _And I'm lonely._

"Yeah," Raven sighed. "I know."

Alice sniffed loudly and wiped her face on Raven's apron. He grimaced, but didn't say anything.

"Here." He waved the spoon in front of her face. "Taste."

Alice did not need to be told twice. She had not been able to choose just one meat, so there was some pork, some beef, chicken, and even some duck, mixed in thickly with cream, papery spices, leeks, carrots and chunks of potato. Raven had thought it would be funny to make her chop the carrots, but he had regretted it when Oz got offended and Alice had tried to chop the carrots using her scythe.

The stew was salty and delicious, and Alice felt a little hole in the bottom of her stomach fill with something warm and delicious as she tasted Raven's cooking for the first time in what felt like forever.

"It needs more meat." Raven rolled his eyes, but let her add some bits of breakfast sausage and diced onions.

There was another minute or two of silence, and then Alice thought of something else.

"Do parents help the same way you and Oz helped me find my memories?" That had been her goal for quite a while, but finding the reason for her existence had been her real purpose. Come to think of it, Oz had been trying to figure out the same thing . . . But Raven had never seemed to have that problem. Maybe he already knew?

Raven's face was turning red again.

"I don't . . . Not exactly . . . I mean, friends can help too . . . That's not to say . . ." blustered Raven. "I have no idea what I'm trying to say."

But Alice wasn't listening, her mind racing ahead. She opened her mouth again to ask exactly what reason Oscar, Jack and Glen had helped him find, but Oz chose that moment to reappear, and Raven turned away from her.

"Sharon wants vanilla frosting," announced Oz. "But Break wants chocolate. Maybe we could have marble frosting too?" He looked at Gilbert hopefully, and Raven smiled back at him so warmly, Alice thought his face might melt off.

"Of course," he said. He could never deny the boy what he wanted.

Irritated at the sudden lack of people paying attention to her, and at the stupid, sappy expressions Oz and Raven wore when they looked at each other, Alice growled and bit Raven's hand, making him yelp.

"What the hell! Stupid rabbit!"

Alice growled at him again, and stubbornly shoved his hand on top of her head. Oz was laughing again, and Raven looked torn between smiling at Oz's happiness and being angry with Alice. They both spent the next ten minutes coaxing her to let go of Gilbert's hand, but it was worth it, because for ten minutes she felt cozy and warm in the midst of all their attention.

Later, Gilbert swirled the chocolate and vanilla frosting while Oz held the bowl and Alice watched curiously. She wanted to taste the frosting like she had the stew, and Gilbert was prepared to refuse wholeheartedly, but then Oz pressed up into the empty space at his left side, looking up at him with big green eyes and Gil's hand moved of its own accord to offer the spoon.

Watching them with her face covered in frosting, Alice felt confused all over again.

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**Thank you for reading and reviewing! You did review, right? Right? Right!? RIGHT!? Psh.  
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	2. Chapter 2

**Second and final chapter! Alice is just too much. More family feels and some ozbert lovin' in this one!**

**I don't own Pandora Hearts, though I have a dark and desperate hope that ozbert will become canon every time the little chapter alert from manga reader shows up in my inbox.**

**I do own Liam and Teddy. I really didn't expect them to turn up anywhere but in my original stories, but I needed a random little boy for Alice to meet, and I know Liam well enough to write him pretty much anywhere.**

**This chapter starts with Alice and then goes over to Oz and Gil near the end.**

**These three really are like a family. Oz is the loving and indulgent mother, Gil's the grumpy, drinking, smoking, secretly caring and slightly ridiculous father, and Alice is the bratty, spoiled little girl with a bottomless stomach and a clear and simple way of seeing things.**

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_"Those idiots!" _thought Alice furiously. _"I turn around for one second and they sneak off without me! Stupid Raven didn't even pay for my meat!" _

She kept grumbling to herself as she stalked down the crowded street. It had taken less than a second for her to get distracted by a meat seller showing off his wares on the street across from Raven's apartment, and when the meat vender had demanded payment –_Payment? The gall of that man. Such a worthless, pathetic human should have groveled on the ground and begged her eat his delicious meat- _she had looked around and neither Oz nor Raven had been anywhere to be seem.

They would be in so much trouble when she found them-!

If they were still alive. Those two had an unnatural affinity for getting lost and into trouble whenever she wasn't around, and then she'd have to swing in and save their worthless butts for the hundredth time. Or maybe she wouldn't. Tch. Getting eaten by a chain would serve them right for leaving her all alone without permission.

But where were they?

Alice frowned, trying to think back. She had been concentrating on the meat, but Oz had been talking about fire . . . fire something. Fire wind? For the Autumn Fes-ti-val . . . And Raven said something about taking him onto the roof so he could see . . . she really hadn't been listening.

Hungry and more than a little annoyed, Alice didn't bother to look where she was going, so it was less than surprising when she finally ran smack into someone, knocking them both to the ground.

"Hey, asshole, watch where you're going!" she snapped, jumping her feet and holding up her fists, ready for a fight.

"Ah, sorry onee-sama!" It was just a little boy in shorts and suspenders, with curly hair the color of the caramel candies the stupid clown had sometimes given to Sharon, and bright, leafy green eyes. He stood up, wincing at the scrapes on his palms and knee.

Alice grumbled something under her breath and lowered her fists. Hungry as she was, even she wasn't going to beat up a little kid.

"Tch. Stupid kid, not even putting up a fight." She scowled, folding her arms crossly and looking away.

"Sorry," the boy said pitifully, fidgeting where he stood.

"Whatever." Alice glared at him. "Now you have to make it up to me."

"O-of course, onee-sama, anything!"

"Where is the fire . . . fire wind . . . _thing_," Alice demanded haughtily.

The boy brightened.

"Do you mean the fireworks?"

"Yeah, that."

"Oh, they are going to be starting soon, don't worry!"

"No, stupid, _where_ are they?" Honestly, was the kid deaf?

"Well . . ." the boy looked confused. "In the sky, of course!"

"Stupid!" Alice smacked him upside the head. "I knew that!" Not really. "But where do I go to _see_ them?"

"O-oh! The best place to see is from the roofs. There are a bunch of us gathering at the top of the clock tower, because that's the highest place in Reveille. I'm meeting my family there." The boy looked up at her hopefully. "Is that what you meant, onee-sama?"

Tch. "Yeah. And don't call me that, stupid kid." It gave her shivers to be called the same thing as she called Sharon.

"S-sorry onee- . . . sorry."

"My name is Alice."

"Alice-sama?"

"No, idiot, just Alice!"

"Sorry!"

It took a couple minutes, but the kid finally got it right and Alice declared that, in thanks for telling her about the fireworks, she would allow him to lead her to the clock tower.

"Thank you so much, Alice!" the boy exclaimed. Alice smirked proudly. See how benevolent she could be? And on an empty stomach too. The kid reminded her a little bit of Oz. She almost wanted to keep him.

"I'm Liam," he told her, and took her by the hand. "We have to hurry! The fireworks are starting soon!"

Liam led Alice down the street and across the bridge that ran over the River Janes.

"Almost there," he cried. "Faster, Alice!"

"Don't tell me what to do, stupid kid!"

They dashed across a busy street and through the clock tower doors. Up one flight of stairs, and then another. And another. Alice soon lost count of how many stairs there were, and then they were at the top, breathless and winded and sweating profusely.

When she could finally stop gasping, Alice looked around, and immediately spotted Oz and Raven leaning on the railing over looking the city.

"Alice, Alice!" Liam pulled at her coat and pointed to the opposite side. "Look, those are my parents, and my big brother."

A dark haired boy stood next to a much taller man and a woman with the same color hair as Liam. The boy was looking over at Liam expectantly. As Alice watched, the man leaned down and pressed his lips gently to the woman's mouth.

Alice made a face.

"Why is he biting her mouth? Biting is for the cheek, stupid human."

"They aren't biting each other, silly, they're kissing," giggled Liam.

Alice tossed her hair imperiously. "Kissing is for contracts. Biting is to make people feel better. Why would they be making a contract, hm?"

"That's just what parents do," said Liam, shrugging. "They kiss because they have a contract to always love each other and stay together no matter what."

"Oh really?" Alice frowned, crossing her arms. That was interesting.

"Liam!" The kid's brother was waving him over impatiently.

"I'll be right there, Teddy!" Liam called back. He turned back to Alice. "I have to go now, the fireworks are starting soon!"

"Yeah, yeah," Alice muttered. But the kid still didn't leave, he just stood there looking awkward.

"What!?" Alice finally snapped. Liam jumped. "What do you want, stupid kid!?"

"Sorry! Um, do you . . . would like to come over to my house sometime? We could play together again."

" . . . Huh?"

"A play date. We could race on the bridge and annoy my brother! You're really cool, and really fast, and it would be fun!"

"Oh." Her face felt hot and tight with one of those weird human expressions. "Maybe."

"Yay!" Liam cheered. "Bye Alice!"

He waved goodbye and then ran over to his family. The woman smiled at him warmly and took his hand, and the man rested his hand on Liam's head.

Alice grumbled to herself and made her way over to Oz and Raven.

"Alice!" Suddenly she was swept up in tight hug.

"Stupid rabbit," Raven muttered as Oz let her go, saying "Thank goodness, we had no idea where you were, so we just hoped you'd end up here . . . Oh, Alice, you must be so hungry-"

"Let her breathe, Oz," said Raven. He held up a paper bag, and a there was a positively delicious smell wafting from it. "We got these for you."

Alice opened the bag greedily, and pulled out several wooden sticks skewered with chunks of hot, juicy meat. With one hand grasping Oz's and the other gripping her prize, she pretended not to notice Raven's hand graze her head before he pointed to the sky.

"Look, the fireworks are starting."

Alice looked up curiously, and then shrieked as something exploded with a bang over their heads.

"Alice, Alice, Alice, it's okay," laughed Oz as he gently pried her from his leg. "It's just the fireworks, they make a loud noise, but they won't hurt you."

"Look up, stupid rabbit." A large hand pressed on the top of her head and tilted it up. Above the city, the sky was a deep dark blue, but as she watched, something flew into air leaving a trail of smoke, and then burst into hundreds of sparkling colored lights that danced and winked and then finally faded, only to be replaced with the next explosion.

She was spell-bound. Enthralled. Mesmerized. Riveted. Transfixed. Absolutely fascinated with the otherworldly display of color and light. The sharp crack that accompanied each detonation somehow embellished the scene, and Alice was unable to tear her eyes away, the meat sticks dangling forgotten in her hand. She had spent most of her life trapped in that god forsaken tower, and then stuck deep in the Abyss, and never had she ever seen anything like this.

It was . . . beautiful.

Somewhere in the background, she thought she could hear Liam's laughter and the chatter of other people exclaiming over the fireworks, and everything seemed to come together, Oz and Raven's hands, the scent of smoke and meat and human's, and the colored sparks that lit up the entire sky.

And then it was over.

"What!?" Alice squawked when she realized the next explosion wasn't coming. She stamped her foot, clenched her fists and twisted her face into a grimace, well on her way to a temper tantrum of extreme magnitude.

"They're just taking a short break before the grand finale," Raven told her calmly, leaning lazily against the railing and tilting his head up to look at the empty sky. Alice growled and took a furious bite of her meat stick. And then another. And another.

"This is good," she admitted grumpily.

Oz leaned against the railing too, gazing down at the crowds of people gathered in the streets.

"Look, Gil! I think I can see your apartment from here!"

Alice looked over at Raven. He was watching Oz quietly as Oz pointed out different places across the city.

A firework burst into life above them, illuminating everyone in red and gold light, and then blue, and then green, but Raven didn't turn around. He just looked at Oz, and the expression on his face was so soft and full of the same delicate happiness and wonder Alice felt when she got swept up in the blazing lights in the sky. Oz cheered as the fireworks started up again, this time bigger and more colorful than before, but Alice was absorbed in watching her friends.

Then Oz turned to see Raven watching him and his face broke into a smile as big and bright and wildly happy as any firework. The colored light danced across both their faces, and something must have fallen into place in Alice's head, or maybe she just processed something she had always seen, either way she reached out and tugged at Raven's coat.

"Hey, Seaweed Head!" She had to shout to be heard over the renewed bangs and shouts. Raven and Oz both turned to look at her. She swallowed the last bit of meat on her stick, threw it away and then put her hands on her hips struck an arrogant pose.

"Have you guys kissed yet?" she demanded.

Raven choked. Oz turned bright red and gave a small "Eeep!" as his hand slipped off the rail.

"Oz!" Raven lunged forward, catching him around the waist and hauling him away from the edge before he could fall.

"You stupid rabbit!" Raven bellowed. "Where do you get off asking questions like that . . . blah, blah, blah!"

"It's a simple yes or no question, Seaweed Head. Haaave youuuuu guuuuuys kiiiiissed?" She drew out each word, just to be that much more annoying.

Oz shook himself out of his 'just-been-asked-_that-_question-and-then-nearly-fallen-to-his-death' daze.

"O-of course not, Alice," Oz spluttered. "That's - that's not . . . not to say we . . . why would you even ask that!?"

Both he and Raven were blushing so hard Alice thought they might pass out, and they kept avoiding each others eyes.

Alice was unimpressed.

"I was under the impression that kissing was for contracts," she said flatly. "In fact, I have under good authority that it is specifically for making contracts when two people love each other and want to stay together. Am I wrong?"

"That's . . . not . . ." Raven appeared to be shrinking down in on himself.

"Well, Oz and I already have a contract, and I'm certainly not kissing _you_ Seaweed Head. Although you are free to pat my head whenever I want you too, so I suppose that counts." Alice nodded at her own words. "But I thought you two had a contract like that already, so I would've thought you guys kissed each other every day."

"It's not . . . exactly like that," Oz tried to explain. "See . . ." But he didn't seem able to find the words so eventually he just shut his mouth and looked at his shoes.

"So . . . you don't love each other no matter what and want to stay together forever?" Alice looked at them suspiciously.

"Of course we do!" both Oz and Raven yelled together. Then they both looked at each other with shocked, flushed faces.

Alice started tapping her foot. "Well then, you guys better get started. You have lots of kisses to make up for, don't you?"

Honestly, they were absolutely hopeless. It was a good thing she was there to help, or they might've just spent the next eighty years being ignorant idiots.

Oz pressed his hands to his cheeks, trying to will away his blush. Gilbert's fingers were twitching for a cigarette. They could not believe this was happening, right there, right then, with _Alice_ of all people.

Alice, who was looking at them expectantly. "Come on guys. Unless you don't want to . . .?"

"That's not . . . maybe it isn't . . . such a bad idea . . ." Gilbert whipped around to stare at Oz, who was looking up at him shyly, his face flushed and nervous.

"W-what? Seriously?"

"Yeah! Besides, Seaweed Head, you're the one who keeps going on about want to protect Oz and always stay by his side, so really, you should be the first one to do it."

"You little-!"

"It's okay if Gil doesn't want to," Oz said quietly, lowering his eyes.

"That's not the problem!" Gil shouted. Ugh. He ran a hand through his hair and looked away. "It's just . . . can't we do this at home?"

"No."

"I wasn't asking you, stupid rabbit, and why the hell not!?"

"Because I want to watch, and I can't have you two sneaking off and doing it somewhere I can't see!"

"Well that isn't creepy _at all_," Gilbert muttered.

"C'mon, Seaweed Head!" Alice grabbed a handful of his threefold scarf and pulled him down to her and Oz's level.

"You stupid-"

"Gil," said Oz softly, and Gilbert broke off, suddenly face to face with his master's searching green eyes.

Oz's hand slid up to rest against his jaw, and Gilbert leaned into the touch without conscious thought, his head sinking into haziness like a hot bath, his attention focusing just on Oz, Oz, Oz.

"We don't have to," Oz whispered, but Gilbert was already leaning forward, unconsciously responding to the want he could feel his master feeling and automatically indulging him.

Oz's hands slipped into Gil's dark hair, and Gilbert's own hand moved to cup his fragile cheek. Their mouths brushed against each other once, again, pressing and pulling and _feeling_, feeling the heat and the softness of the others breath.

And maybe they were making out on the edge of a crowd that wasn't even paying attention, at the top of the highest tower in the city, while Alice watched them curiously and fireworks exploded over their heads, but it was so, so good.

"All right, all right, that's enough!"

They broke apart abruptly to make room for the little girl worming her way in between them.

"Alice!"

"Stupid rabbit!"

"What!? I said _a_ kiss, not lots of kisses and no paying attention to me!" Alice pouted.

Oz laughed, and Gilbert muttered something offensive under his breath before pulling the other two into a one armed hug and resting his chin on Oz's head. Oz snuggled happily into his chest and Alice wiggled around until she got her head under Raven's hand.

Above them, there was a final burst of color and the sky went dark, only for the stars to come out from hiding and light up the night all over again.

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**I wrote this whole thing listening to all the Passenger** **albums on youtube, repeatedly. God, I love him.**

**Okay! So tomorrow I will be starting school, so consider this a goodbye present. I am really not being dramatic, my life pretty much ends when school starts and begins again the next summer. I will maybe get around to finishing S,BaBDB. Maybe. MAAAAAAAAAAAAYBE.**

**Don't review. Seriously, I will be pissed if you do. I'm not using reverse psychology on you. Really.**


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